


Tour of Terror

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 14:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6708622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Challenge:</b> Written for Snape100's prompt #636: Snape in Diagon Alley - Terrortours.</p>
<p><b>Beta(s):</b> Sevfan and Emynn.</p>
<p><b>Disclaimer:</b> The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Tour of Terror

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Written for Snape100's prompt #636: Snape in Diagon Alley - Terrortours.
> 
> **Beta(s):** Sevfan and Emynn.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

~

Tour of Terror

~

“Isn’t it brilliant? Transylvania!” Harry practically bounced once the Portkey dropped them at their destination. 

Severus, following more sedately, again marvelled how he’d ended up with a lover with such boundless energy. He smirked. At least that energy could often be…channelled. 

“…to the Terrortour guide book, this castle’s where Dracula himself lived.” 

“I doubt our vampire host will be Dracula,” Severus said. 

“Do you think he’ll say, ‘I vant to suck you blood’?” Harry’s vampire accent was execrable. 

“Doubtful.” Severus smirked. “But just in case he is hungry, stick close.” 

“Of course.” Harry grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” 

~

“How does this sort of thing always happen to you?” Severus shouted hours later.

“It’s not my fault,” Harry protested as they dodged attacks from vampire-controlled bats. 

Severus snorted. “He took one look at you and decided you were his long dead mate!” 

“How’s that my fault?” Harry zig-zagged, narrowly missing being grabbed by vampire minions. “When can we Apparate?” 

“A few more feet,” Severus gasped. “Take my hand!” 

Harry did. Severus felt the moment they exited the Anti-Apparition field. “Now!” he shouted. 

They landed by their Portkey, and, grabbing it, Severus snapped, “That’s the last Terrortour I’ll ever take!” 

~

“Loch Ness should be safe,” Harry said. “They swear there’s not actually a monster, and it’s beautiful here.” 

Severus looked around. After their last Terrortour fiasco, he was reserving judgement. “I’m not sure how you talked me in to this,” he huffed. “When I ponder all that can go wrong—”

“Nothing will,” Harry promised. “As for how I talked you into it, I believe a lot of sex was involved.”

Severus smirked. “Ah, yes, now I recall.” 

Harry grinned. “Come for a walk by the lake with me?”

Severus nodded. “Very well. I should like to examine the local flora.” 

~

“Oh, for Salazar’s sake!” Severus growled when the first hump appeared in the water. “They promised!”

“Well, in their defense, no one’s seen her for at least fifty years.” Harry stared wide-eyed as the fabled Loch Ness monster swam past them. “She’s magnificent.” 

As she didn’t appear to be threatening them, Severus relaxed. “I suppose,” he murmured. 

“Look, Mama!” cried a Muggle boy. “The monster!” 

Apparently taking objection to the Muggle child’s shrill voice, the monster reared up, its gaping maw above them. 

Grabbing Harry’s hand, Severus Apparated them back to their cottage. “Pack,” he snapped. “And no more Terrortours!” 

~

“Absolutely not,” Severus said when Harry entered carrying the Terrortour brochure. “There are not enough blow jobs in the world to get me on another of those trips.” 

“But it’s Luna and Rolf’s wedding,” Harry said. “I promised we’d be there.” 

“Lovegood and her fiancé are getting married on a Terrortour?” Severus rolled his eyes. “Of course they are. Very well. But at the first sign of trouble, we—”

Harry held up a hand. “We leave, I agree.” 

“Where is it?” Severus asked.

Harry grinned. “The Bermuda Triangle! I can’t wait!” 

Severus groaned as Harry bounced away. “Merlin help us.” 

~

The wedding, held at sea, was uneventful. Severus wasn’t actually paying attention, focussed as he was on anticipating impending disaster. 

“Wasn’t the ceremony lovely?” gushed Granger, dabbing her eyes. “Who knew Terrortours could do something like this?”

“Exquisite,” responded Severus absently as she wandered off. 

Harry nudged him. “Are you paying attention?” 

Severus hummed. “To our surroundings, yes.”

Harry sighed. “Nothing’s going to happen! Just relax.”

“I’ll relax when we’re home.” Severus sniffed. “Do you smell something?”

“N—” Harry paused. “Yes! Fire!”

And as the boat burned, and they all had to evacuate in lifeboats, Severus simply shook his head. 

~

“No,” said Severus when Harry walked in carrying brochures. 

“These aren’t Terrortours,” Harry said. “It’s a different company. They give tours of nice, safe, Muggle destinations.” 

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Such as?” 

“Spain. Morocco. Hawaii.” Harry handed Severus the stack. “We could lounge on a beach.” 

“We could,” murmured Severus, thumbing through the brochure on Hawaii. He smirked. “You promise we won’t have to worry about any ancient Hawaiian god deciding you’re his destined mate?”

Harry laughed, sliding into his lap. “The only god I’m destined for is the sex god of Slytherin.” 

Severus hummed. “Let’s keep it that way.” 

~


End file.
